Following the worst date ever I immediately went home and went to bed...I was feeling sick remember? The following day I was still not feeling well but managed to make it through the day at work. I was so looking forward to coming home, relaxing and watching mindless television until I passed out. The last thing on my mind was the winner that I went out with the night before...in fact, I had planned to forget all about him as soon as humanly possible. Well...then he texted me. Yeah, you heard that right! He obviously couldn't take a hint, was bad at reading body language and chose to ignore the fact that I had not contacted him at all since our lovely evening. Let me recap our text conversation that followed (I saved the texts just for this purpose!)
Him: So not even a thxs for the drink? K well good luck out there!
Me: I said thank you last night. But, wow, thanks. I have the flu remember.
Him: Well I haven't even gotten a text message from u what was I supposed to think?
Me: Maybe think that it's been 1 day! I'm sick and still had to work today. Texting you wasn't exactly at the top of my priority list.
Him: I was like aight no text dang I got dissed
Him: Okay well texting me back to say you had a good time shouldn't have been that difficult to do right?
Him: I hope ya feel better sorry if i'm coming off like a dick but I just thought u weren't feeling me so I wanted to say good luck to ya that's all...
Me: Thanks. You are coming off like a dick and I am not feeling you. I've been sick and in bed all day.
Him: How bout some make up sex j/k of course...look get better and I apologize for being all dickish let me make it up to ya when u get better...dinner on me?
Me: I'm not interested but thanks.
Him: So lame
Him: Can't believe what a drama queen u are thxs for saving me the trouble of finding out later!
Him: Btw next time a dude sends u a text after a date u might just wanna respond with a thxs me too...not that hard right?!
Me: I don't need dating advice but thanks. I will respond that way when it's true. Good luck.
Him: Take care and good luck!
*Then he called me 3 times! All of which I promptly ignored*
Him: I hate to make enemies just called to smooth things over
Luckily that was the last I heard from him. A few things I want to point out here...1) After 1 date no one owes anyone anything...you can not call and it shouldn't be a big deal (this is not okay after more than 2 dates though). If anyone makes a big deal of this it's usually the girl. No need to text someone angrily because they didn't feel how you did after one brief meeting. 2) Make up sex? Really?! In what universe is that funny at all? 3) I love that I apparently was the one being a "drama queen" and 4) There's a diagnosis for people like this...he's not just an alcoholic, he has other mental health issues as well. Clearly he's going to make some lucky girl very un-happy one day!
Now, I've had guys pull a disappearing act before or have had the mature conversation that it just wasn't going to work out...but never until that night have I had a guy yell at me because I wasn't interested in him. Is this a new phenomenon? Are guys so used to girls being desperate for any human touch that they don't know how to handle rejection anymore?
Friday, September 9, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Quite possibly the Worst Date Ever....
The online dating site was going nowhere fast, but as I waded through the emails from weirdos I took the time to respond to a few guys that seemed somewhat normal. By "somewhat normal" I don't mean amazing. I don't mean they blew me away with their wit and winning personality. I mean they didn't look like stoners, were over the age of 25, and seemed to possess at least some career aspirations. I responded in part to prove to myself that I am not a shallow human being, and while looks and physical attraction matters, it's not the only thing that matters...I was branching out and basing my interest on personality and common interests! I also responded to give the somewhat decent/normal guys a chance...don't get me wrong, some of them had a better chance at being drafted onto a Major League Baseball team despite their never having held a bat....but the other ones I at least replied to and waited to see what would happen. I prepared to be unimpressed, but still was able to pat myself on the back for giving the underdog a chance!
I ended up sending a couple emails back-and-forth with a guy that lived nearby. He was 33 years old (finally, someone older!), he had 2 kids of his own (more understanding to my single mom situation), and liked doing outdoor activities. I decided to give him a chance so when he asked me to meet him at Dave & Buster's for games and drinks I agreed...somewhat hesitantly as I wasn't super impressed by him yet, but I was excited to whoop him in Skeeball! Seriously, I'm pretty good.
I arrived at Dave & Buster's after work one night, I should mention as I left work I noticed that my throat started hurting and I felt like I was coming down with something. But I was prompt and received a call just as I was walking inside from my date saying that he was running late and would be there in about 15 minutes...so I told him he could find me at the bar. I then walked directly to the bar, found a seat, ordered a beer, and watched in hopes that the Red Sox would lose the current game. (Go Angels!) He arrived about 20 minutes later, sat down next to me, ordered water and some appetizers, and just kind of stared at me awkwardly for a minute. When I looked over he said "Is this a date or what?" Wow! What a charmer! I replied "You were late and I'd like to see the end of this game. You made me wait...so you can wait." He didn't take this well but we continued to sit there. He offered me another beer and when I realized he was just drinking water I pointed out the obvious and said "Didn't you suggest coming here to get a drink?", upon which I was informed that he was actually a recovering alcoholic and had just finished 12 months in AA. Huh?! I needed a stronger drink...but I settled for a larger beer; a much larger beer! We sat and chatted for a little bit until I started feeling a little more sick and mentioned this out loud...to which he said "Let's go play some air hockey!" Ummmm....okay. As we walked over to the air hockey table he stated, pretty boldly, that he was going to beat me and wanted to bet on it. So we bet...if he won he got a kiss (ugh! more motivation for me to win) and if I won he would buy me another beer (which I was definitely going to need). I was determined to win, but started feeling more flu-like symptoms with each passing moment. We played. I won (obviously). Didn't have to kiss the weirdo (yay!). Got another beer (much needed). And then had to watch Mr. AA pout about losing to a girl. On a first date is it not customary to let the girl win anyway? This guy was super competitive. He then suggested we play something else, basketball. Okay...I informed him I hadn't played since 7th grade but was game. He was ecstatic about this information and felt that this gave him an edge. I'm telling you, this guy was super competitive! He wanted to beat me. We played once...I won 27-25. So he suggested playing again...I agreed and won again 37-23. He then suggested we play one more time for him to redeem himself...I agreed and won again 40-25. This was embarrassing for him and I told him so. He agreed.
At this point I mentioned, again, that I was not feeling well and I was going to go home. He walked me out to my car and on the way said "Did you say you're not feeling well because you knew I was going to kiss you?" What?! There are so many things wrong with that question that I don't even know where to start! First, disgusting...why would he think I had any desire to have him kiss me?! Why can't he read body language? Second, I'm really not feeling well. Third, gross...why would he think I had any desire to have him kiss me?! I said "No. I'm really sick." Cue the awkward hug, we said goodbye and I left. Finally, I can go home, wash the awfulness of this date off of me and go to bed. Goodnight!
I ended up sending a couple emails back-and-forth with a guy that lived nearby. He was 33 years old (finally, someone older!), he had 2 kids of his own (more understanding to my single mom situation), and liked doing outdoor activities. I decided to give him a chance so when he asked me to meet him at Dave & Buster's for games and drinks I agreed...somewhat hesitantly as I wasn't super impressed by him yet, but I was excited to whoop him in Skeeball! Seriously, I'm pretty good.
I arrived at Dave & Buster's after work one night, I should mention as I left work I noticed that my throat started hurting and I felt like I was coming down with something. But I was prompt and received a call just as I was walking inside from my date saying that he was running late and would be there in about 15 minutes...so I told him he could find me at the bar. I then walked directly to the bar, found a seat, ordered a beer, and watched in hopes that the Red Sox would lose the current game. (Go Angels!) He arrived about 20 minutes later, sat down next to me, ordered water and some appetizers, and just kind of stared at me awkwardly for a minute. When I looked over he said "Is this a date or what?" Wow! What a charmer! I replied "You were late and I'd like to see the end of this game. You made me wait...so you can wait." He didn't take this well but we continued to sit there. He offered me another beer and when I realized he was just drinking water I pointed out the obvious and said "Didn't you suggest coming here to get a drink?", upon which I was informed that he was actually a recovering alcoholic and had just finished 12 months in AA. Huh?! I needed a stronger drink...but I settled for a larger beer; a much larger beer! We sat and chatted for a little bit until I started feeling a little more sick and mentioned this out loud...to which he said "Let's go play some air hockey!" Ummmm....okay. As we walked over to the air hockey table he stated, pretty boldly, that he was going to beat me and wanted to bet on it. So we bet...if he won he got a kiss (ugh! more motivation for me to win) and if I won he would buy me another beer (which I was definitely going to need). I was determined to win, but started feeling more flu-like symptoms with each passing moment. We played. I won (obviously). Didn't have to kiss the weirdo (yay!). Got another beer (much needed). And then had to watch Mr. AA pout about losing to a girl. On a first date is it not customary to let the girl win anyway? This guy was super competitive. He then suggested we play something else, basketball. Okay...I informed him I hadn't played since 7th grade but was game. He was ecstatic about this information and felt that this gave him an edge. I'm telling you, this guy was super competitive! He wanted to beat me. We played once...I won 27-25. So he suggested playing again...I agreed and won again 37-23. He then suggested we play one more time for him to redeem himself...I agreed and won again 40-25. This was embarrassing for him and I told him so. He agreed.
At this point I mentioned, again, that I was not feeling well and I was going to go home. He walked me out to my car and on the way said "Did you say you're not feeling well because you knew I was going to kiss you?" What?! There are so many things wrong with that question that I don't even know where to start! First, disgusting...why would he think I had any desire to have him kiss me?! Why can't he read body language? Second, I'm really not feeling well. Third, gross...why would he think I had any desire to have him kiss me?! I said "No. I'm really sick." Cue the awkward hug, we said goodbye and I left. Finally, I can go home, wash the awfulness of this date off of me and go to bed. Goodnight!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Disappearing Act...
I recently had the pleasure of dating a guy who appeared to have his life together, who appeared to be mature, who appeared to know what he wanted out of life and who appeared to know where he was headed...appearances can be deceiving. This guy, as it turns out, was actually a boy masquerading as a grown man, pretty convincingly I might add! Up until the point that he just fell off the face of the earth, a behavior I refer to as the "disappearing act".
You may be asking yourself...what happened to Mr. Wonderful? Honestly, I am still asking myself the exact same thing! Things were going great. Things were going really, really great. We seemed to click, we got along well, we were making plans, we were seeing each other frequently and we were talking daily. Then one day he just disappeared.
Based on this act of bad behavior I would assume this guy is functioning at a 16, maybe 17 year old level. You can talk until you're blue in the face about how mature you are, how respectful you are, how considerate you are....but talk is cheap and pulling the disappearing act on a girl that you've been dating for a month sends the message that not only are you not mature, you are also not capable of respectful nor considerate behavior. It also sends the message that she meant nothing to you...that she meant so little to you that you couldn't even tell her that you were no longer interested. The truth hurts so this isn't always easy to do...but you know what hurts worse? Not knowing. Wondering what happened. Wondering what went wrong. Which often leads to overanalysis, self-doubt, a feeling of insecurity and worst of all, a lack of closure. Girls like closure!
Now, I was unaware that this practice was still in existence and, quite frankly, shocked that people still find it acceptable to behave this way. I think if you are old enough to date, then you are old enough to tell someone "I'm not interested"...it's really that simple. Pulling the disappearing act is rude, immature, disrespectful and it's really just bad behavior. Why would anyone think that this was acceptable?!
You may be asking yourself...what happened to Mr. Wonderful? Honestly, I am still asking myself the exact same thing! Things were going great. Things were going really, really great. We seemed to click, we got along well, we were making plans, we were seeing each other frequently and we were talking daily. Then one day he just disappeared.
Based on this act of bad behavior I would assume this guy is functioning at a 16, maybe 17 year old level. You can talk until you're blue in the face about how mature you are, how respectful you are, how considerate you are....but talk is cheap and pulling the disappearing act on a girl that you've been dating for a month sends the message that not only are you not mature, you are also not capable of respectful nor considerate behavior. It also sends the message that she meant nothing to you...that she meant so little to you that you couldn't even tell her that you were no longer interested. The truth hurts so this isn't always easy to do...but you know what hurts worse? Not knowing. Wondering what happened. Wondering what went wrong. Which often leads to overanalysis, self-doubt, a feeling of insecurity and worst of all, a lack of closure. Girls like closure!
Now, I was unaware that this practice was still in existence and, quite frankly, shocked that people still find it acceptable to behave this way. I think if you are old enough to date, then you are old enough to tell someone "I'm not interested"...it's really that simple. Pulling the disappearing act is rude, immature, disrespectful and it's really just bad behavior. Why would anyone think that this was acceptable?!
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