John Mayer Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

Slow dancing in a Burning Room.....

I was fully prepared for a relaxing and refreshing pilates class today and, of course, just as I started my pre-class stretching a song came on my mp3 player that struck a cord with me and took me back into my head for the next hour. All I wanted to do was focus on my breathing, do some core strengthening exercises, and not think...what did I end up doing? Breathing, doing some core strengthening, and THINKING!! The song was "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer-a beautiful song too, I might add :)

What did it make me think of you ask? Well...I'll tell you! It made me think of every relationship that I've had that was doomed to end badly. I knew it, he knew it, everyone knew it. And no one did anything. It's like slow dancing in a burning room. 

Let's be honest. Everyone has had these relationships. The ones where you know it's not going to work out. The ones you know are not going to last. The ones that you just cannot seem to end. You know that the entire thing is going to end up crashing and burning, and what do you do? You wait it out. You hope it gets better. You try to put out the fire. You wait until the entire thing has crumbled and is unrecognizable. When what you really should be doing is finding the first open window and jumping out of that burning room. Saving yourself. Why do we let ourselves hang onto these relationships and damage us in the process? Why can't we just jump out of the way, save ourselves, and assess the damage afterward?

I had to consider the most recent relationship that I have had that resembled this situation. It was doomed before it even began and yet I stayed. There were so many red flags and signs that I saw, ignored, and stayed. There might as well have been a neon sign on his forehead that read "I'm not good enough for you!" Yet I continued to convince myself that this was good enough and that I was content enough to be with this person. Or, at least I tried to convince myself of that, even though I knew it was doomed. He knew it was doomed. He just soaked up all of my amazing-ness while it lasted and we both crashed and burned in the blaze at the end. If I knew that this was how it was going to end why did I stick around? It has taken some time and evaluation for me to realize that I stayed because it was better than the alternative...being alone. I like being wanted and having a warm body to fall asleep next to. I like knowing that I am someone's entire world, it makes me feel warm and tingly inside. I didn't want to have to sleep alone. I wanted someone to want me. I wanted to have someone kiss me goodnight. I wanted to find "the one" so desperately that I was willing to convince myself that I had found him. Turns out I would have been better off listening to my intuition early on and running toward the first brightly lit exit in sight.

The First of (hopefully) Many....

I did it! I went on a date...sort of. After exchanging a few witty emails and text messages with a guy that seemed to have a lot going for him, we went on a real date. By date, I mean I had a beer and he a Johnny Walker on the rocks at 5 o'clock in the evening. And we had an hour because I had to get home to relieve the babysitter of her duties. It was sort of like what I would imagine speed dating to be like, but without as many options.


Overall the entire hour was pretty uneventful and uninteresting. There were multiple awkward pauses where he looked at me as if pleading with his eyes for me to break the silence...and, of course, all I could do was giggle to myself. I am okay with silence, others are not, I felt no need to break the silence. I also took this opportunity to run through a mental to-do list of things I needed to do when I got home...might as well use this time productively! So, I just sat and sipped my beer, waiting to see what he would come up with. After what seemed like an eternity, but really was only about 15 seconds, he comes up with "So what are you doing for the holidays?" Ummmm....have I been out of the dating world for so long that this is a common first date question now? I understand that the holidays are coming up and all but this seemed a little silly...so I gave him the only answer I could think of, which was "I'll be spending it with my daughter and her dad." He replies "Oh"...and then more awkward silence.


Apparently my answer was not a normal response and I knew this because while we sat in more awkward silence he looked at me like I had just grown a third eyeball. Of course, I felt no need to explain myself if he wasn't going to ask for further information. Which he did not. So I took this opportunity to remember that I needed to get home quickly. He walked me out to the parking lot, we hugged awkwardly, and I went home. There was no "I'll call you", or "Let's do this again"...just an awkward hug and "Bye". So...I guess you could say it didn't go well and there probably won't be a second date.


Better luck next time I guess! :)