I recently had the pleasure of dating a guy who appeared to have his life together, who appeared to be mature, who appeared to know what he wanted out of life and who appeared to know where he was headed...appearances can be deceiving. This guy, as it turns out, was actually a boy masquerading as a grown man, pretty convincingly I might add! Up until the point that he just fell off the face of the earth, a behavior I refer to as the "disappearing act".
You may be asking yourself...what happened to Mr. Wonderful? Honestly, I am still asking myself the exact same thing! Things were going great. Things were going really, really great. We seemed to click, we got along well, we were making plans, we were seeing each other frequently and we were talking daily. Then one day he just disappeared.
Based on this act of bad behavior I would assume this guy is functioning at a 16, maybe 17 year old level. You can talk until you're blue in the face about how mature you are, how respectful you are, how considerate you are....but talk is cheap and pulling the disappearing act on a girl that you've been dating for a month sends the message that not only are you not mature, you are also not capable of respectful nor considerate behavior. It also sends the message that she meant nothing to you...that she meant so little to you that you couldn't even tell her that you were no longer interested. The truth hurts so this isn't always easy to do...but you know what hurts worse? Not knowing. Wondering what happened. Wondering what went wrong. Which often leads to overanalysis, self-doubt, a feeling of insecurity and worst of all, a lack of closure. Girls like closure!
Now, I was unaware that this practice was still in existence and, quite frankly, shocked that people still find it acceptable to behave this way. I think if you are old enough to date, then you are old enough to tell someone "I'm not interested"...it's really that simple. Pulling the disappearing act is rude, immature, disrespectful and it's really just bad behavior. Why would anyone think that this was acceptable?!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
A Long Story.....
Since I don't want to waste anymore time on Mr. Wonderful than I already have, I'm going to sum up what went down....
*Read in between the lines and I'm sure you can figure out how Mr. Wonderful turned into Mr. Not-So-Wonderful. Oh well...better luck next time!
He wore the same size jeans as me. (this is not a good thing)
He wanted things to be easy. (relationships are not easy. This is a fact)
He was high maintenance. (or as he would say "so Orange County")
There were no sparks! (not a good sign)
He pulled a disappearing act. (this is just bad behavior)
*Read in between the lines and I'm sure you can figure out how Mr. Wonderful turned into Mr. Not-So-Wonderful. Oh well...better luck next time!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Mr. Wonderful...
Let's go back in time a few weeks....I had decided that it was time to find myself a little frog to kiss in hopes that he would turn out to be my Prince Charming. Ridiculously optimistic and undeniably hopeful? Of course! But what else would you expect from me?!
It all started with an innocent "wink" and an email - yes, I'm talking about the guy that caught my eye early on! We started emailing back and forth immediately, which quickly progressed into the exchange of phone numbers (oh my!), texting back and forth over the next couple of weeks, and eventually our First Date (how exciting!). Based on our rapid texting before the big date I was expecting things to go well since it appeared that we had a lot in common, including our over-the-top sarcasm and general good sense. I, of course, assumed that we would get along great, and was extremely optimistic about our meeting....but I still had my guard up because this guy seemed a little too good to be true. I met Mr. Wonderful at a coffee shop and we immediately clicked...come to think of it, we never did have any coffee! We chatted for awhile before deciding to go and get something to eat and extend the date awhile longer...I was a fan of this idea immediately! The entire night seemed to go by in what seemed like minutes and the next thing you know I needed to get home to relieve the babysitter, so we said goodbye and agreed to talk soon.
Honestly, it was one of the better First Dates that I've ever had...no awkwardness, no weirdness. It just felt very comfortable and natural right away. I think I could get used to this :)
It all started with an innocent "wink" and an email - yes, I'm talking about the guy that caught my eye early on! We started emailing back and forth immediately, which quickly progressed into the exchange of phone numbers (oh my!), texting back and forth over the next couple of weeks, and eventually our First Date (how exciting!). Based on our rapid texting before the big date I was expecting things to go well since it appeared that we had a lot in common, including our over-the-top sarcasm and general good sense. I, of course, assumed that we would get along great, and was extremely optimistic about our meeting....but I still had my guard up because this guy seemed a little too good to be true. I met Mr. Wonderful at a coffee shop and we immediately clicked...come to think of it, we never did have any coffee! We chatted for awhile before deciding to go and get something to eat and extend the date awhile longer...I was a fan of this idea immediately! The entire night seemed to go by in what seemed like minutes and the next thing you know I needed to get home to relieve the babysitter, so we said goodbye and agreed to talk soon.
Honestly, it was one of the better First Dates that I've ever had...no awkwardness, no weirdness. It just felt very comfortable and natural right away. I think I could get used to this :)
Friday, August 5, 2011
What did I get myself into....?
The online dating world is slightly intense and absolutely ridiculous! Here's a little taste of what I have been receiving in my inbox on a daily basis.....
"good morning my name is moe i am 32 years old i was wondering if you like to chat with me" Please note the awful grammar and, yes, this was written exactly as I've put it here....all in one sentence! I have standards people...a good grasp of the english language is one of them! So, no thanks. Delete.
"Hi, how are you? Nice pics =) Ever chat online?" Simple. To the point. Seemingly harmless...right? Wrong! I'm surprised this guy even knows how to use a computer, let alone chat online...considering he's 62 years old! Are you kidding?! No thank you. Couldn't delete that one fast enough!
"Hello....
I noticed we have lots in common
Can I interest you in a:
Tall
Intelligent
Attractive
Diverse
Capable
Creative
Passionate
Romantic
Athletic
Successful
Single
.... Blonde. :)
I have an outgoing personality with a witty/playful sense of humor... Looking forward to your reply" This guy got points for creativity and making a list...if you didn't know this about me, I LOVE lists!! Unfortunately, this guy did not have a picture on his profile..which usually means one thing...you're unattractive. No picture = No reply from me. Harsh? Maybe, but oh well. Moving on. Delete.
"My name is L*!# and I would like to get to know each other.....You have a great smile :)" Simple. Sincere. Boring. Aaaaand, tell me something I don't know! Do you have any idea how many emails I get in any single day telling me I have a "great smile" or how "beautiful" I am?! I get it..I'm a pretty cute girl! What else you got? Step up your game boys. Delete.
"Hello there. Hows u doing, Would u like to talk to me!! Cheers" Let me think about this...a 42 year old, 5'5" man who, according to his profile, is "not sure" if he ever wants children and has "little to offer" a woman? This is tough. Oh...and did you notice the poor grammar in the email? Yeah. Thanks, but no thanks. Delete.
"hello there =)" All this says to me is that you don't know how to start a conversation. This guy clearly thought he would email me this and I would be so excited to get an email from a guy that I would immediately respond and start the conversation for him. Well...he was mistaken. Maybe if this email wasn't one of many I might have, maybe if I was desperate I might have, maybe if I was extremely lonely I might have, but that is not the case. Sorry guy that couldn't put in any more effort than a "hello there"...Delete.
"I winked at you, but you didnt wink back. Kinda hurt my feelings. Haha. JK. You seem like you really have a great personality. We have a lot of things in common, especially being active and enjoying outdoors activities. Were you able to get outside this weekend and enjoy the great weather? Sounds like your job is pretty rewarding. Im sure it is pretty tough too though. Hope to hear from you soon and find out more about you! ;)" Okay. So here's one I did eventually respond to...after much debate. He seemed decent enough. But his next email was not so good as it outlined every type of food that he dislikes...it was quite the list! Now, I LOVE food! As soon as I saw his email that stated that he did not like sushi, fondue (what?!), pie, cake, ice cream, hot sauce, or salsa...I deleted his email immediately, never responded and never even felt bad about it. Although, I was curious if he does not like hot sauce what he puts in his bloody mary's? I never asked...since I was afraid he would say he doesn't like bloody mary's either. I don't think I could've dealt with that answer...I already thought his taste in food was disturbed at best, I didn't want to also think he was a complete freak! Bottom line...I like food! If you're not even willing to try new foods then this will never work out.
I feel as though I might be a little harsh, not to mention judgemental, in my response to these guys and my lightning fast reflex to delete them from my inbox. But I also feel as though I can be picky. Sorry that I'm not sorry.
Plus, there is still that one guy who's email caught my eye early on! ;)
"good morning my name is moe i am 32 years old i was wondering if you like to chat with me" Please note the awful grammar and, yes, this was written exactly as I've put it here....all in one sentence! I have standards people...a good grasp of the english language is one of them! So, no thanks. Delete.
"Hi, how are you? Nice pics =) Ever chat online?" Simple. To the point. Seemingly harmless...right? Wrong! I'm surprised this guy even knows how to use a computer, let alone chat online...considering he's 62 years old! Are you kidding?! No thank you. Couldn't delete that one fast enough!
"Hello....
I noticed we have lots in common
Can I interest you in a:
Tall
Intelligent
Attractive
Diverse
Capable
Creative
Passionate
Romantic
Athletic
Successful
Single
.... Blonde. :)
I have an outgoing personality with a witty/playful sense of humor... Looking forward to your reply" This guy got points for creativity and making a list...if you didn't know this about me, I LOVE lists!! Unfortunately, this guy did not have a picture on his profile..which usually means one thing...you're unattractive. No picture = No reply from me. Harsh? Maybe, but oh well. Moving on. Delete.
"My name is L*!# and I would like to get to know each other.....You have a great smile :)" Simple. Sincere. Boring. Aaaaand, tell me something I don't know! Do you have any idea how many emails I get in any single day telling me I have a "great smile" or how "beautiful" I am?! I get it..I'm a pretty cute girl! What else you got? Step up your game boys. Delete.
"Hello there. Hows u doing, Would u like to talk to me!! Cheers" Let me think about this...a 42 year old, 5'5" man who, according to his profile, is "not sure" if he ever wants children and has "little to offer" a woman? This is tough. Oh...and did you notice the poor grammar in the email? Yeah. Thanks, but no thanks. Delete.
"hello there =)" All this says to me is that you don't know how to start a conversation. This guy clearly thought he would email me this and I would be so excited to get an email from a guy that I would immediately respond and start the conversation for him. Well...he was mistaken. Maybe if this email wasn't one of many I might have, maybe if I was desperate I might have, maybe if I was extremely lonely I might have, but that is not the case. Sorry guy that couldn't put in any more effort than a "hello there"...Delete.
"I winked at you, but you didnt wink back. Kinda hurt my feelings. Haha. JK. You seem like you really have a great personality. We have a lot of things in common, especially being active and enjoying outdoors activities. Were you able to get outside this weekend and enjoy the great weather? Sounds like your job is pretty rewarding. Im sure it is pretty tough too though. Hope to hear from you soon and find out more about you! ;)" Okay. So here's one I did eventually respond to...after much debate. He seemed decent enough. But his next email was not so good as it outlined every type of food that he dislikes...it was quite the list! Now, I LOVE food! As soon as I saw his email that stated that he did not like sushi, fondue (what?!), pie, cake, ice cream, hot sauce, or salsa...I deleted his email immediately, never responded and never even felt bad about it. Although, I was curious if he does not like hot sauce what he puts in his bloody mary's? I never asked...since I was afraid he would say he doesn't like bloody mary's either. I don't think I could've dealt with that answer...I already thought his taste in food was disturbed at best, I didn't want to also think he was a complete freak! Bottom line...I like food! If you're not even willing to try new foods then this will never work out.
I feel as though I might be a little harsh, not to mention judgemental, in my response to these guys and my lightning fast reflex to delete them from my inbox. But I also feel as though I can be picky. Sorry that I'm not sorry.
Plus, there is still that one guy who's email caught my eye early on! ;)
Monday, August 1, 2011
Dating Insanity....
After mutliple failed romances I've come to the realization that I keep dating the same guy. Sure, they are technically different guys, or so I foolishly think, until the inevitable day arrives that I realize that, no, they are all essentially unavailable and not ready for relationships. So, I've decided that it's time to branch out and meet men in a different way. Thus far, my tried and true methods of meeting a quality guy have failed, and failed miserably. Maybe it's where and how I'm meeting them that inevitably results in another failed relationship? Afterall, the definition of dating insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different relationship results. I need to start doing things differently if I am going to get different results!
After coming to this realization...I signed up for a popular online dating site and got to work! I had high hopes that this would be a fabulous way to meet a quality guy that was looking for a relationship. I anticipated that instead of meeting a man that was only interested in me for a physical relationship or a trophy on his arm, that I would meet a man that was actually interested in me. Well, shortly after signing up I was bombarded with emails...it was overwhelming and I didn't know where to start. What had I gotten myself into?! So I did what anyone else would do....opened a bottle of wine and started reading through emails from my potential suitors. A large majority of the emails that I got in the first 24 hours got deleted immediately without as much as a second thought. (Now, I understand that this may sound shallow and superficial, but when you get over 50 emails in 24 hours you are allowed to be picky!) But some of the emails I didn't even read, I'll be the first to admit that I looked at the picture and made my decision based solely on that for at least half of them. Others were deleted based on age (too old or too young specifically), location (why contact me when you live in Florida?!), and others simply because I was bored reading their email and/or profile.
Suprisingly, in the overwhelming response that I received on that first day there was one single email that caught my eye, upon reading his profile and looking at pictures (it's no secret that physical attraction is important too!) I decided to respond. I had no idea what would come of this but I was excited to find out! Hopefully this would mean that I wouldn't need to keep kissing frogs to find my prince charming...maybe just this one! ;)
After coming to this realization...I signed up for a popular online dating site and got to work! I had high hopes that this would be a fabulous way to meet a quality guy that was looking for a relationship. I anticipated that instead of meeting a man that was only interested in me for a physical relationship or a trophy on his arm, that I would meet a man that was actually interested in me. Well, shortly after signing up I was bombarded with emails...it was overwhelming and I didn't know where to start. What had I gotten myself into?! So I did what anyone else would do....opened a bottle of wine and started reading through emails from my potential suitors. A large majority of the emails that I got in the first 24 hours got deleted immediately without as much as a second thought. (Now, I understand that this may sound shallow and superficial, but when you get over 50 emails in 24 hours you are allowed to be picky!) But some of the emails I didn't even read, I'll be the first to admit that I looked at the picture and made my decision based solely on that for at least half of them. Others were deleted based on age (too old or too young specifically), location (why contact me when you live in Florida?!), and others simply because I was bored reading their email and/or profile.
Suprisingly, in the overwhelming response that I received on that first day there was one single email that caught my eye, upon reading his profile and looking at pictures (it's no secret that physical attraction is important too!) I decided to respond. I had no idea what would come of this but I was excited to find out! Hopefully this would mean that I wouldn't need to keep kissing frogs to find my prince charming...maybe just this one! ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)