The Dating Game...

The following day (after the first date with motorcycle boy) I actually had plans...until every single one of them was cancelled for one reason or another, and I found myself completely available. I decided this was a good time to call my date from the previous night and let him know, in a casual way, that I was free to meet up later. Which he eagerly agreed to and we made plans to get pizza & beer while watching the game that was on that night. Awesome! I was super excited about seeing him again (which unfortunately made the rest of the day seem longer than usual). He showed up later that night at my apartment, we went out for a bit, returned to my home, and sat talking for HOURS before calling it a night way past my bedtime. We even talked about all the stuff you're not supposed to talk about on a first (or second) date and neither of us were phased by it, we actually were able to joke about the inappropriateness of it. It was perfect! Before he left that night we briefly discussed our plans for the next day as well, and agreed that should I have time we could get together then as well. Oh my! 3 days in a row...this was getting crazy! 

The next day I had plans until late afternoon and resisted calling or texting this new guy until a couple hours before I would be free. I let him know that I would be back in the City later and could meet him somewhere for a bit before I needed to get back home. We agreed to meet downtown and then head back to his neighborhood for a bite to eat around five. The pick up from downtown was a little chaotic as both of our phones lost service (thanks Verizon!) but it all worked out and when I saw him, he appeared cuter than I had remembered him being the past 2 days. Which was not a bad thing! We walked, we ate, we talked, we kissed, and then he took me home while we agreed to see each other again. :) 

After our whirlwind of a weekend (3 dates in 3 days!), I was feeling excited and optimistic about things with this guy. He appeared ready for a relationship, which was a welcomed change from the Cute Boy at the wedding who was not ready for that, and he was established in a successful career already. No multi-tasking necessary here! He does, however, have a career that demands 99% of his attention Monday through Friday (and some weekends); so I was prepared to not see him during the work week and did not expect him to text or call during the day either. So imagine my surprise when I got a text from him Monday morning at work saying that he would like to take me out for my birthday (that was the following week)! After some discussion we decided to go out the following weekend, but definitely to see each other before then! If that was shocking, I was completely unprepared the following day when he suggested we go out mid-week for dinner and perhaps a slumber party. An innocent slumber party! Get your minds out of the gutter! He suggested that I could stay at his place since we were planning to have drinks and could go to work from there in the morning, he even offered to sleep on the couch if this was the case. I was impressed by his forethought and his suggestion to go out despite his busy work week. Of course I said yes and looked forward to seeing him again. 

Our mid-week date night arrived, we met at his apartment, walked around the neighborhood (literally, we went in a giant circle) and we had delicious dinner that solidified that he was a guy I could really date. For one....Sushi? Yes, please! Second, we sat down and I was so hungry that I couldn't decided what I wanted...so he ordered for us! I know this is old-fashioned, but I love it, especially if he orders things that I actually like. When we ordered beer he also made a point to order something different from me just in case I changed my mind once it got there! Wow...this guy is good!

After dinner we walked back to his place and talked some more while sipping yummy wine, until it was bedtime. I decided to stay the night for, what ended up being, a fairly innocent slumber party. In the morning I woke up to him getting ready for and leaving for work...and trusting me alone in his apartment after only 4 dates. Wow...I must be good! After getting ready for work and leaving I received a phone call from him checking to see that I made it out okay and made it to work (i.e. I hadn't burnt down his apartment nor robbed him). How considerate and thoughtful of him...and definitely not what I am used to. I began to appreciate this welcome and nice change from other guys that I had dated.

That weekend we chatted a few times and realized that we were both on the same page regarding relationships. Yes we were wanting to date someone with long term potential, but wanted to take things slowly in order to establish a strong foundation for that to happen. It was during those conversations that I started to realize, I did not have the slightest clue how to "take things slow"!. What does that mean?! I work really well with deadlines and schedules and established plans....casual and non-committal is SO NOT ME! But I guess if that's what taking it slow means...I'll play that game.  

I'm Still Learning How to Play Hard To Get...

After my previous attempt at a blind date, that failed miserably, I decided to try it again. I suppose that makes me a glutton for punishment in some ways, but I figured I didn't have anything to lose. Sure I would lose a few valuable hours of my life at the very least, but at least I'd probably get a free dinner, get a little tipsy, and hopefully meet a nice guy. It's like the cliche saying about kissing a lot of frogs before finding your prince...except without any actual kissing! So I set up a date with a guy who lives in the City and I crossed my fingers that another used car salesman wouldn't show up.


Date night arrived and I sat waiting at a restaurant that I had never been to...but seemed good. While waiting I realized that blind dates are so awkward...I was sitting there waiting for someone that I had never met and had only talked to on the telephone a handful of times. I had no idea what he looked like, besides a few pictures he had sent, but those easily could've been cut out of a magazine, photo-shopped, and sent over. I had never been to this restaurant, and quite frankly, never really ventured into this neighborhood in general. With all of these thoughts racing through my head, I decided I needed a drink. So I texted him to let him know that I was here, waiting, and would probably be tipsy before he arrived unless he arrived in the very near future. I then ordered a mango margarita. Once my margarita arrived I decided that the night wouldn't be a total loss...because this margarita was Delicious! 


He finally arrived, right off his motorcycle and looking a little windblown. Overall, not bad, and definitely not a used car salesman. :) Things were off to a good start! Things were a little awkward at first, which I guess should be expected to some extent on a blind date, with a few uncomfortable pauses in conversation. Which actually made me uncomfortable and nervous! Now I had officially ventured into uncharted territory...I don't get uncomfortable with silence! I don't get nervous with guys! I don't care what they think of me..I have more a "take it or leave it" attitude. 


We had good conversation, actually GREAT conversation, and since he had been to this restaurant before he made a few recommendations off the menu (without me even asking)...we ended up ordering the same thing and it was delicious! We sat and talked LONG after our dinner was done, eventually deciding to leave to go and get a drink somewhere else. We walked to a nearby bar, had a beer, talked some more, and before I even realized it half of the night had flown by in what seemed like a matter of minutes! He then walked me to my car, while asking about my weekend plans, and I agreed to call him the next day so that we could possibly get together. I was trying very hard to be non-committal and easy going about the entire situation (since I had already learned my lesson about being too eager and direct); in my head I was thinking "Yes! I would love to see you tomorrow!", what I said sounded more like "Sure I'll give you a call tomorrow once I know what I'm doing." We hugged, he kissed my cheek, and we said goodnight. 


It was hard to wait until the next day to call or text him...but I did! :)

Blind Dates are Risky for a Reason...

I recently agreed to go on a blind date with a guy that someone felt was a "good match" for me. I hesitantly agreed, but only if I had the opportunity to talk to him first and get to know him a little before having to show up at a restaurant to look for a complete stranger. I figured I should at least know some basics about this guy first...is he a serial killer? A weirdo that lives under a rock somewhere and has absolutely no social skills? Have I seen him on America's Most Wanted recently and maybe should not go out with him? You know, the basics that you would want to know before going out with anyone. So, through this mutual friend we exchanged numbers and began texting back and forth and, on occasion, emailing. I found him to be considerate and witty, even through text, which is often a hard task to accomplish! So I decided that "yes!" I would go on a date with him. Since I had determined by this point that he was not a complete lunatic and actually seemed pretty harmless (I came to this conclusion from our multiple conversations and thanks to the world wide web), I agreed to let him pick me up from my house for our date. 


*If you are a friend of mine and you are reading this...please remind me to never agree to this again! I beg you. If I am determined to have it happen in the future please feel free to slap me around a little and shake the crazy out of me! Thank you in advance.*


Date night arrived and I was pretty excited, for a couple of reasons, for one-I had not been on a date since Cute Boy from the wedding disappeared from my life and for two-this guy seemed funny and I was looking forward to a good laugh. Well....I got my good laugh, when a guy that appeared to be a used car salesman showed up at my house! I immediately knew that this guy was never going to see me naked and placed him in my mental "friend" file. I don't want to sound shallow and superficial, but part of any relationship needs to be mutual attraction and for that to occur I would need to be physically attracted to you. It was clear within 10 seconds of meeting that I was never going to sleep with this guy, and in that same 10 seconds he was deciding that he would like to sleep with me (a fact he shared later in the evening-charming!). I decided that despite the lack of physical chemistry I might as well make a friend, have a night out, and get a free dinner. So, we went to a delicious pizza place, one of my favorites! We had decided on this earlier since I had been craving pizza all week...and by "we decided" I mean I made it pretty clear that this was where I wanted to go and he agreed. Once there he let me make all of the decisions when it came to the food and wine...which I thoroughly enjoyed, being the control freak that I am! Although I must say that this is a fine line that a guy has to walk with me, because while I do enjoy being in control and making decisions, I also thoroughly enjoy a decisive man in my life, one that will make decisions for me at times and (call me old-fashioned) but I LOVE it when a guy orders for me! We had good conversation and yummy food, so the entire night was not a complete waste. At first I tried to see past the fact that there was absolutely zero physical chemistry and tried (not very hard) to convince myself that looks don't matter all that much. After the first hour I gave up on that idea and then I began to try, throughout the rest of the evening, to convey my disinterest by limiting my eye contact and through body language. But, he is clearly not a social-cue-reading-kind-of-guy, because at the end of the dinner he wanted to go and get drinks. I wanted to go home and go to bed-alone! But I went and had a couple of beers, at which point I even pulled out my phone and began texting friends in the midst of our conversation to really drive my point home. The night finally ended and he drove me home. I assumed that he had probably gotten the message that I was not interested in him romantically and that this night was a one time deal; I got home, took a shower, and went to bed to dream about a better date in my future with a (hopefully) more attractive man. 


The next day the Used Car Salesman texted me to set up a 2nd date. Ugh! He clearly did not get the message that I was trying to send! How did he miss all of the non-verbal cues?! So...I began to do what any guy would do when he's not interested in dating a girl. I took extra long to respond to his texts or just not respond at all. I was vague about any future plans and did not agree concretely on anything. But it is now a week later and he still has not gotten the message! I am now moving onto phase 2 of the "showing him I'm not interested in more than friendship" plan...although I have no idea what that includes! How do you let a guy know that you are not interested without crushing their self-esteem and hurting their feelings? Is there a way or do you just have to suck it up and do it? It's kind of like a band-aid...it will probably sting a little, but is it better to rip it off and deal with the pain later? Or is it ever better to pull it off slowly, thus easing the pain? 

Does Logic get in the way of Love?

I have recently been thrust head first into the realization that men and women really are VERY different! It's not that I wasn't previously aware of this fact, but over the last couple of weeks I have been forced to do a lot of thinking, and re-discovered that besides the obvious physiological differences, men and women think very differently about the same things. If you are able to remember this fact before being completely irrational and losing your shit with the great guy your dating...then good for you and please remember you're dating a man, not a puppet. I, unfortunately, was not able to remember this tidbit before I said a few things that I regretted within moments of them leaving my lips, in what can only be described as word vomit. It all resulted in me losing the great guy that I was dating because when I needed to be understanding and rational, I was not, and I completely forgot everything that I'd ever learned about men, dating, and relationships. 


I am going to completely generalize and stereotype the population now...I acknowledge that there are always exceptions to the rule. In general, women are incredibly emotional and men are incredibly logical. These two lie on opposite sides of the spectrum and completely oppose each other. This gets tricky during the infatuation phase of a new relationship, because women are always emotionally thinking, things are not much different for them here. But men, who are usually logically thinking, tend to be emotionally driven during this initial stage of a new relationship, but once the infatuation ends and the real relationship begins their emotions go into hiding and the logic kicks back in. And this tends to cause problems in the relationship. When men go from emotional to logical, women go from emotional to confused. This change in men feels like withdrawal to women and signals disinterest to them. Instead of understanding that this is normal and healthy, women tend to push for the emotionally driven man to come back and make a second appearance. Since this is not possible, the pushing tends to just push that man away, and at an incredibly rapid pace! 


I have also learned, and re-learned, that women are incredible multi-taskers. Men are not. Again, there are exceptions to this rule, but in general women can multi-task like nobody's business while men tend to only be able to focus on one thing at a time. Men get laser sharp focus on one area of life and it gets 100% of their attention, time, and commitment...which means, that there's no room for anything else (or anyone) to get any attention, time, or commitment. This is an incredibly hard concept for women, myself included, to understand. Being a natural multi-tasker I cannot seem to wrap my brain around the idea that someone can only focus on one thing at a time. It does not make sense! I raised a child, went to graduate school, and worked full-time simultaneously...and excelled in each and every aspect of each and every thing that I did during that time! Everything in my life gets my attention, time, and commitment...I am just an expert at the balancing act that is life and can successfully juggle things that are important to me. This includes relationships with people that are important to me. Most women are also this way and it's part of why I believe that we are the superior species.  ;)  I have come to realize, however, that you can be important to a man and he can honestly hope for and see and future with you, but if he is focused on his career right now then he cannot be the man that you deserve. He is going to be giving his career 100% of himself, and unfortunately that doesn't leave anything for him to give you. It's not that he doesn't want to be that man, it's that he can't...because he is a horrible multi-tasker! 


While I know this about men and know plenty of men exactly like this..I wonder if a man meets "the one" while he is working on his career, would he recognize it? Would he make the effort necessary to keep that woman in his life while simultaneously maintaining his professional drive? Or would he pass up the opportunity of a lifetime because he was not able to multi-task?