Blind Dates are Risky for a Reason...

I recently agreed to go on a blind date with a guy that someone felt was a "good match" for me. I hesitantly agreed, but only if I had the opportunity to talk to him first and get to know him a little before having to show up at a restaurant to look for a complete stranger. I figured I should at least know some basics about this guy first...is he a serial killer? A weirdo that lives under a rock somewhere and has absolutely no social skills? Have I seen him on America's Most Wanted recently and maybe should not go out with him? You know, the basics that you would want to know before going out with anyone. So, through this mutual friend we exchanged numbers and began texting back and forth and, on occasion, emailing. I found him to be considerate and witty, even through text, which is often a hard task to accomplish! So I decided that "yes!" I would go on a date with him. Since I had determined by this point that he was not a complete lunatic and actually seemed pretty harmless (I came to this conclusion from our multiple conversations and thanks to the world wide web), I agreed to let him pick me up from my house for our date. 


*If you are a friend of mine and you are reading this...please remind me to never agree to this again! I beg you. If I am determined to have it happen in the future please feel free to slap me around a little and shake the crazy out of me! Thank you in advance.*


Date night arrived and I was pretty excited, for a couple of reasons, for one-I had not been on a date since Cute Boy from the wedding disappeared from my life and for two-this guy seemed funny and I was looking forward to a good laugh. Well....I got my good laugh, when a guy that appeared to be a used car salesman showed up at my house! I immediately knew that this guy was never going to see me naked and placed him in my mental "friend" file. I don't want to sound shallow and superficial, but part of any relationship needs to be mutual attraction and for that to occur I would need to be physically attracted to you. It was clear within 10 seconds of meeting that I was never going to sleep with this guy, and in that same 10 seconds he was deciding that he would like to sleep with me (a fact he shared later in the evening-charming!). I decided that despite the lack of physical chemistry I might as well make a friend, have a night out, and get a free dinner. So, we went to a delicious pizza place, one of my favorites! We had decided on this earlier since I had been craving pizza all week...and by "we decided" I mean I made it pretty clear that this was where I wanted to go and he agreed. Once there he let me make all of the decisions when it came to the food and wine...which I thoroughly enjoyed, being the control freak that I am! Although I must say that this is a fine line that a guy has to walk with me, because while I do enjoy being in control and making decisions, I also thoroughly enjoy a decisive man in my life, one that will make decisions for me at times and (call me old-fashioned) but I LOVE it when a guy orders for me! We had good conversation and yummy food, so the entire night was not a complete waste. At first I tried to see past the fact that there was absolutely zero physical chemistry and tried (not very hard) to convince myself that looks don't matter all that much. After the first hour I gave up on that idea and then I began to try, throughout the rest of the evening, to convey my disinterest by limiting my eye contact and through body language. But, he is clearly not a social-cue-reading-kind-of-guy, because at the end of the dinner he wanted to go and get drinks. I wanted to go home and go to bed-alone! But I went and had a couple of beers, at which point I even pulled out my phone and began texting friends in the midst of our conversation to really drive my point home. The night finally ended and he drove me home. I assumed that he had probably gotten the message that I was not interested in him romantically and that this night was a one time deal; I got home, took a shower, and went to bed to dream about a better date in my future with a (hopefully) more attractive man. 


The next day the Used Car Salesman texted me to set up a 2nd date. Ugh! He clearly did not get the message that I was trying to send! How did he miss all of the non-verbal cues?! So...I began to do what any guy would do when he's not interested in dating a girl. I took extra long to respond to his texts or just not respond at all. I was vague about any future plans and did not agree concretely on anything. But it is now a week later and he still has not gotten the message! I am now moving onto phase 2 of the "showing him I'm not interested in more than friendship" plan...although I have no idea what that includes! How do you let a guy know that you are not interested without crushing their self-esteem and hurting their feelings? Is there a way or do you just have to suck it up and do it? It's kind of like a band-aid...it will probably sting a little, but is it better to rip it off and deal with the pain later? Or is it ever better to pull it off slowly, thus easing the pain?