Slow dancing in a Burning Room.....

I was fully prepared for a relaxing and refreshing pilates class today and, of course, just as I started my pre-class stretching a song came on my mp3 player that struck a cord with me and took me back into my head for the next hour. All I wanted to do was focus on my breathing, do some core strengthening exercises, and not think...what did I end up doing? Breathing, doing some core strengthening, and THINKING!! The song was "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer-a beautiful song too, I might add :)

What did it make me think of you ask? Well...I'll tell you! It made me think of every relationship that I've had that was doomed to end badly. I knew it, he knew it, everyone knew it. And no one did anything. It's like slow dancing in a burning room. 

Let's be honest. Everyone has had these relationships. The ones where you know it's not going to work out. The ones you know are not going to last. The ones that you just cannot seem to end. You know that the entire thing is going to end up crashing and burning, and what do you do? You wait it out. You hope it gets better. You try to put out the fire. You wait until the entire thing has crumbled and is unrecognizable. When what you really should be doing is finding the first open window and jumping out of that burning room. Saving yourself. Why do we let ourselves hang onto these relationships and damage us in the process? Why can't we just jump out of the way, save ourselves, and assess the damage afterward?

I had to consider the most recent relationship that I have had that resembled this situation. It was doomed before it even began and yet I stayed. There were so many red flags and signs that I saw, ignored, and stayed. There might as well have been a neon sign on his forehead that read "I'm not good enough for you!" Yet I continued to convince myself that this was good enough and that I was content enough to be with this person. Or, at least I tried to convince myself of that, even though I knew it was doomed. He knew it was doomed. He just soaked up all of my amazing-ness while it lasted and we both crashed and burned in the blaze at the end. If I knew that this was how it was going to end why did I stick around? It has taken some time and evaluation for me to realize that I stayed because it was better than the alternative...being alone. I like being wanted and having a warm body to fall asleep next to. I like knowing that I am someone's entire world, it makes me feel warm and tingly inside. I didn't want to have to sleep alone. I wanted someone to want me. I wanted to have someone kiss me goodnight. I wanted to find "the one" so desperately that I was willing to convince myself that I had found him. Turns out I would have been better off listening to my intuition early on and running toward the first brightly lit exit in sight.